


If Things Were Different

by Magnetism_bind



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-11
Updated: 2012-05-11
Packaged: 2017-11-05 04:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/402256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnetism_bind/pseuds/Magnetism_bind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cat hears Jaime's nightmares in the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Things Were Different

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the You Win Or Die kink meme on LJ.

The first time Cat hears him, she's unabashedly glad. It's just a startled gasp, the harsh breathing of a man woken from his dreams. But Cat has been married to a warrior long enough to recognize the sounds of a man trying to quiet himself after a nightmare. 

_He should have nightmares_ , she thinks viciously. He should be haunted by the deeds he's done in broad daylight. Deeds other men wouldn't have dared to do in the dead of night. For that sole hour she hopes he's haunted for the rest of his days.

* * *

The second time it keeps her awake. 

Long after the guttural shout has died away, Cat lies awake in her bed. It sounded so tortured. Was the Kingslayer capable of feeling true remorse? Did he wake in the night because of what he had done? Or was it simply fear? That basic, senseless fear that steals over one in the dark. Cat had been afraid of the dark when she was little. Her septa would light candles for a while, but after a time she'd take them away, telling Cat she was too old for such nonsense. She shouldn't be afraid of the dark at her age.

Cat lies there in her tent with the candle burning, and wonders if it's the darkness that the Kingslayer fears.

* * *

The third time it makes her weep, those quiet, agonized sounds coming from Jaime's cage. She can't bear it. The dry, choking half-gasps, half-sobs, the Kingslayer is making discomfort her. She shouldn't feel this way. The fact that she does only makes her guilt worse. She lies there, hiding her eyes, hating Jaime, and hating herself for her own tears. 

* * *

The fourth time she pretends doesn't hear him, burying her face in the blanket as well as she can. It does nothing to shut out the sound.

* * *

The fifth time she goes to him. Jaime's hunched over in his cage, head bowed almost to his knees. Cat stares at him.

“Do you regret any of it?” She asks, the words breaking the silence between them.

Jaime raises his head. “What have I to regret?” His face is shadowed.

“Everything.” Cat hisses. “Everything you've done.”

“Was done for _love_.” Jaime hisses back. “Every _last_ thing I've done.” For a moment he strains against his chains and Cat takes half a step back. Then he slumps and leans back against the pole, looking up at her. “You'd think you could be able to understand that.”

“If I believed you...”

“And why shouldn't you believe me?” Jaime persists. 

“Why should I?” Cat's hands have formed fists. She wants to strike him so very badly, her hands ache.

“I have no reason to lie to you.” Jaime says simply. 

Somehow, that she believes. Cat kneels beside him. “What do you dream of?”

Jaime's lips tighten. “What does that matter?”

“It matters to me.” Cat tells him. 

Jaime looks at her for such a long time that her face grows warm and she wants to look away, but even Tullys have their pride and she will not let herself.

“Kiss me and I'll tell you.” Jaime says, his gaze lingering upon her lips.

He thinks she'll refuse, she'll slap him, or leave in a fury. Cat could very well do any of those. Instead, she leans forward, pressing her lips to the Kingslayer's. His lips part willingly under her own. Jaime's tongue caresses hers, drawing her deeper and deeper until abruptly she's drowning in his kiss. It ignites inside her, something fierce and hungry and Cat pulls back, panting. 

“Tell me.” 

“I dream of things in the past.” Jaime says, not quite looking at her. “Not regrets precisely. Simply things I would have done differently, perhaps....but I still would have done them.” He faces her squarely then. “Do you understand?”

“Tell me then. One thing you would do differently.”

She knows he won't speak of her son. But she doesn't expect the words that come from him.

“If I had been only a little quicker in the throne room... no one would have seen me. And perhaps then, you would call me Jaime now, instead of Kingslayer.” He smiles at her. “But I would still kill him, so you see, it's not the act that's different...it's how one does it.”

Cat doesn't want to hear any more. She gets to her feet stiffly. 

“Lady Stark.”

“If things were different, you might have called me wife, instead of Lady Stark....but things are what they are and we cannot change them.” She turns to go.

“And even if we could change them, we wouldn't.” Jaime says. “Would we, Cat?”

Her name on his lips sounds wrongfully right and the pain pierces her heart. “No, we wouldn't...Jaime.” 

She leaves him there alone with the night.


End file.
